Navigating Heartbreak During a Global Pandemic

In March 2020 the world slowly came to a grinding halt. COVID19 had crippled the world, the economy and lives. So many of us were left pondering what the next couple of months would like and how we would get through it. Three months in, I was not only navigating a global pandemic, working from home, being a single mom and completing a Masters degree, I was also a single woman navigating heartbreak. The internet is unforgiving and as such I won’t delve deeply into the who’s, what’s , why’s and who did what as it relates to my heartbreak. I had met someone two years prior and I believed with all my heart that this was it for me. The search was over. Turns out it was not to be based on cultural differences among other things.

In the early stages of the heartbreak I lost my self-confidence. I became so insecure and I began to question my self worth. This was probably the worst part of it. You begin to think that you're the problem. Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe if I didn’t do that or maybe if I did that then it would have worked. I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I began to find all these faults with myself. I became so depressed. I could not find joy in anything or anyone. I was extremely hurt and I was hurting alone. It seemed as if the whole situation was like water off a duck’s back for the other person involved. They had made peace with the situation and had moved on. Believe me when I tell you it hurt like hell. You suddenly realize either they weren’t as invested as you were or they simply didn’t love and care for you as much as you had loved and cared for them or maybe even not at all.

So here I was in the midst of a global pandemic, heartbroken and alone. The type of pandemic that limited human interaction and movement. Imagine being stuck at home sad, depressed and craving human interaction but there was none to be had. I struggled to cope and understand what exactly was happening and why it was happening to ME. There were days when I locked myself in my room continuously. I wouldn’t eat and I definitely could not sleep. In a matter of weeks, I lost 10 pounds, something I would struggle to do in months lol. At times, I found myself curled in a fetal position in my closet and I cried and cried until I fell asleep. I begged God to just take the pain and hurt away. I felt like someone had ripped my heart from my chest and then they just kept stabbing it with a knife over and over. I felt like I was suffocating.

I knew the hurt would not last forever. I also knew that it would last as long as I allowed it to. I’d been hurt before in relationships and I had gotten over it but I think that this one was the worst. The absolute worst. I knew I would have to grieve the friendship/relationship. I knew that, that meant feeling every single emotion that came with it. Sadness, anger, depression, guilt, joy, I had to ride all those waves when they came. There was no going around them if I wanted to start the healing process.

1. Therapy

I knew that based on the magnitude of this heartbreak and the current social climate, I could not do this on my own. I began to seek a therapist. I sought a therapist to help me navigate the hurt, the pain and the insecurities. The black community unfortunately attaches a negative stigma to people who see therapists, psychiatrists and the like. After mentioning therapy I was told by one person that I didn’t need to see a therapist as I was not mad. They were right. I was not crazy but if I did not seek help then the pain would have driven me crazy. So I started therapy. My therapist has helped me to unpack my feelings. The discussions are candid, non-judgemental and refreshing. I started off at one session per month and recently spoke to my therapist about increasing to two sessions per month. I am trying to be very intentional about my healing. Yay me!!!

2. My Faith

I remember thinking to myself at times, “What if I didn’t have a strong faith-based background? How would I deal with this heartbreak?” I didn’t want to think about it. I have seen how some women and men alike have dealt with heartbreak. I have seen some lose themselves, become desperate and I have seen some driven into the abyss of madness. I am so grateful that none of these have happened to me. Despite my hurt I still know that God has a divine plan for me. I also know that he knows the desires of my heart and he is going to do exceedingly and abundantly more than I can ever imagine. So I’ll use this heartbreak to propel me further. I’ll also use this healing journey to mold me into a better and virtuous woman for my future partner

3. Friends/Support System

“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24

I honestly don’t know where I would be without my friends. I remember talking to a friend of almost twenty years and just confiding in her about what had happened and how I felt. She began crying and I couldn't understand what was happening. I was the one who should be crying. I asked her what was wrong. She said, “Pat I've known you since college. I have seen you pour so much into relationships. I know how badly you want to build with someone and build a family. You are genuine and sincere and you love with all your might and you keep getting hurt and it kills me. You don't deserve this.” My closest friends cry when I cry. They listen without judgement. They encourage me. They also let me know that I’m a bad b!+@# and I’m worth it. They have helped to bolster my self confidence. Some are hundreds and thousands of miles away but you would never know that based on how supportive they are. They have helped to make this burden a little lighter.

My Stash :) Link available if you need them.

4. Journaling/Reading

Another tool I’ve used to navigate this heartbreak is journaling and reading. I find that when I feel overwhelmed with emotions it helps to just write everything down as it comes. There’s no rule! Just write

how you feel. I write in a notebook. I also have a healing journal. If those two are not close by I simply write in the Notes app on my phone. I get it out anyway I can. I also started reading books dealing specifically with heartbreak. They provide rules and tips but healing is not black or white. I use these books as guides to help me heal and process the heartbreak. I take what works for me and align it to my situation. Next on my reading list is “Becoming” by Michelle Obama along with her self care journal.

Becoming by Michelle Obama

5. Limiting Communication

I also took the bold decision to lessen communication with my friend. I think that may have the hardest decision I have had to make recently. It’s really hard to speak to someone you love everyday and then decide not to. In fact, it's almost impossible. So I had to make that decision for my own sanity. The communication was a major part of our bond but continuing as is definitely self destructive and a suicide mission for me.

I, honestly, never thought this would be my 2020 but hey it's 2020 right? Anything goes! Initially I was stunned by this heartbreak. There are days when it is still crippling. There are days when I'm fine. There are days when it's all that occupies my mind and I just cry. There are also days when I smile and laugh. There’s no quick fix and believe me, I wish there was. The current social climate does not help, in fact, it adds to the anxiety. Nothing lasts forever though and I’m navigating all this and using various tools to help me.

Have you experienced heartbreak or loss during this pandemic? How are you coping? Share your thoughts!

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